Posted on December 5, 2023
Emotional abuse operates in subtle ways, often making it challenging to identify due to its multifaceted nature. Denise Renye, a certified sexologist and psychologist, highlights the various forms emotional abuse can take, encompassing actions like yelling, demeaning remarks, body shaming, disregard for boundaries, and the inconsistency between words and actions. This insidious behavior may coexist with physical, sexual, or financial abuse, making it all the more devastating even when it occurs independently.
Initially, abusers may appear charming and charismatic, concealing their true nature until a significant relationship milestone, such as moving in together. Renye notes that abusers adeptly manipulate their actions, convincing partners that abusive behavior is a twisted form of romance. Unchecked jealousy often plays a role, masquerading as a warped expression of love. This, according to Renye, stems from the abuser’s inability to manage their emotions internally.
Factors like financial abuse further complicate escape for survivors, trapping them in a cycle of manipulation. Abusers may convince their victims that they deserve such treatment, perpetuating a false narrative. The following are 11 behaviors abusers may present as romantic but are, in reality, toxic and manipulative.
1. Unpredictable angry outbursts become a regular feature in the relationship, overshadowing the warmth and intimacy expected in a healthy partnership.
2. Criticism about appearance or clothing is disguised as protection, undermining the autonomy of the partner’s choices.
3. Verbal abuse, including insults and curses, is followed by pleas for forgiveness, creating a cycle of emotional turmoil.
4. Excessive texting and calling, under the guise of care, creates anxiety and a constant fear of consequences.
5. Refusal to respect personal space, coupled with an inability to accept boundaries, signals a lack of emotional security.
6. Attempts to control the partner’s social circle and limit autonomy extend beyond normal relationship boundaries.
7. Gaslighting tactics are employed to manipulate and cast doubt on the victim’s perception of reality.
8. Speaking over or for the partner in public situations undermines their autonomy rather than demonstrating support.
9. Physical aggression, even if not directly aimed at the partner, constitutes abuse and signals a lack of self-control.
10. Pressure to engage in sexual activities against one’s will is a form of coercion and constitutes abuse.
11. Emotional withholding, where a partner shuts down communication and denies emotional intimacy, creates confusion and pain.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, it’s crucial to seek support. Recognizing and discussing feelings with trusted friends, family, therapists, or counselors is a vital step. Hotlines such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233), Stop Abuse For Everyone (SAFE), and Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741) offer confidential support and guidance. Remember, help is available, and you are not alone.